Image via Flickr by Tim Geers
Things are going really well for me right now. The theater production I'm doing is getting great reviews and I'm having a fantastic time doing it, I've got a recurring role on a tv show I've wanted to work on for years, and my husband just landed his dream job. There's been lots of toasting and celebrating and gratitude...
And there's a little voice in the back of my head whispering, "Don't get used to it. Stop talking about it. It's obnoxious. You're making people uncomfortable. It's not that big a deal." And on and on.
Sound familiar? Have you ever noticed that when something really good happens, your own version of that voice rears its ugly head to cut you down a notch? How does that voice make you feel? Have you ever wondered what effect it has on your life and career?
I know how my version of that voice makes me feel. Small. Selfish. Guilty. Embarrassed. It makes me second-guess the significance of the stuff I was feeling proud of. It makes me doubt the sincerity of the people who have expressed support. It makes me feel less bold, less confident, less likely to take a risk -- which is exactly what it's supposed to do.
See, when you're feeling proud and supported and confident, you're one step away from trying something new and scary. And there will always be a self-protective part of your brain that wants to keep you from getting hurt -- so it shows up as that voice, to try and keep you small and scared and safe.
But the consequence of listening to that voice is not taking risks, which leads to regret. It also deprives you of the positive energy you get from allowing yourself to celebrate and receive support in the good times, and that positive energy is critical, because you'll need it to get through the next slow stretch, like a squirrel stashing acorns for winter. And those things -- regret and deprivation of positive energy -- are horrible for both your life and career.
So how do you defeat the voice?
I was lucky enough to have a therapist several years ago who suggested that I give the voice a name, a face, and a shape. (Mine is a cranky old woman named Maude -- you may remember her from Part 3 of The Fear Series.) The therapist told me that when Maude showed up, I should remind myself that what she's really trying to do is protect me. I should tell her that I love her, and while I appreciate her good intentions, I'm an adult and don't need her protection, and I'm going to keep right on being proud and excited and confident. She's welcome to stick around and watch, but she's not gonna get in my way. And you know what? IT WORKS.
So take a few minutes right now to think back to a time when something good was happening in your life, and that little voice showed up. (It's ok if it sounds different than my voice. Yours is designed to get under your particular skin.) Play around with giving it a face, a body, a smell, a wardrobe, a name. It can be anything, an animal, an object, a cartoon. Really look at it and get to know it. Now invite it to sit down for a moment, and tell it -- out loud -- that the next time it shows up, things are going to be a little different. That you know why it's there, and you appreciate the thought, but you're not going along for the ride next time.
It may thrash and cry and throw a little tantrum, and that's ok. You may not remember its name next time it shows up; it may take you a few tries to remember how to quiet it down -- that's ok too. It's been with you for a long time, so this new way of dealing with it will take some getting used to. Keep at it. It's worth it. Because the rewards for putting that voice in its place are huge:
Confidence, momentum, progress, and JOY.
(Want to tell us what your voice is like? Go for it. Maude is listening.)